Daily Routine

  • Wake up after sleeping for twelve and a half hours (or even worst three hours)
  • Go through social media for an hour
  • Turn on music
  • Walk to the bathroom feeling my stomach turn
  • Brush all the knots out of my impossible untamed hair
  • Put hair into ponytail
  • Wash face
  • Look in the mirror and tell yourself that it’s going to be a good day (if you don’t then it will undoubtedly be a bad one)
  • Brush teeth
  • Take down hair and put it in front of your face so no one has to see your acne scars
  • Weigh yourself (still to much)
  • Go back to room
  • Put on clothes for the day
  • Change
  • Change again
  • Transfer playlist from playing on computer to phone and put in headphones
  • Go to kitchen and grab a hand full of grapes (if you don’t have grapes you are allowed half a banana)
  • Feed dog
  • Start to walk to school dreading every step along the way
  • Over think every minute it takes you before you get to the school
  • Turn music up so loud you can barley hear yourself over think everything that will happen today
  • Go into bathroom at school and look in the mirror to remind yourself to breath and that you will make it through the day
  • Breathe
  • Start to walk down the halls when you see your “friends” who of course have something to say
  • Remember that they are always just joking and you need to joke back or they will know that you are being destroyed inside (no one can know)
  • Smile so no one can see your pain
  • Hang out with even more people so you must be happy with all these “friends” you can talk to
  • Try to pay attention in class even though your mind will not stop about what is going on around you
  • Stop shaking because people will see your fear and think you’re a freak
  • You are a freak
  • Try to talk to the guy you want to talk to more than anyone
  • He only sees you as another friend and leaves you to go talk to other friends (more important than you of course)
  • Lunch you can only eat small amounts or nothing at all (unless you are with friends because they will notice you not eating)
  • Since you are a senior try to talk to some of the new freshmen and not freeze up
  • Smile (you are prettier when you smile)
  • Freaks don’t smile
  •  Breathe. You need to breathe.
  • Answer your snap chat streaks (those are important)
  • Try to talk to him again (same result)
  • Walk home tired and discussing, overthinking everything that happened today
  • Get ready for work
  • Go to work (sit, read, basically pointless job stuff that you have to do)
  • Go home
  • Check the mail
  • Go inside
  • Make yourself dinner ( a lot of dinner ) You are allowed to eat.
  •  Go out and go for a bike ride on Leroy (don’t forget your backpack)
  • Cycle till you can’t breathe and the heat feels like it inhales you
  • Go on a swing to breathe again
  • Breathe, really breathe
  • Smoke. Just a little. Just to take the edge off. Just to be a little okay again.
  • Ride home
  • Take a shower, putting music on as loud as possible (singing along because you love your voice and no one can hear you).
  • Look in the mirror (you look better.. skinnier)
  • Try to avoid parents as much as possible
  • Try texting someone? (so you won’t be so lonely)
  • Little to no answers
  • Feed the dog
  • Paint in your closet (it’s bigger than your room but not many people know that)
  • Maybe write something in your blog that no one knows you have
  • Try to go to sleep
  • Count your breathes as you try to sleep
  • Freak…
  • Can’t sleep
  • Wake up and read a book
  • Check phone for answers (none)
  • Go back to sleep.

Repeat.

 

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