So I’m on vacation to see family. My dad is an from another country so it’s not like we drove a couple of hours to go to another state or a town a couple miles away. No. I was on planes for hours. Now I am in another country that I have been to hundreds of times for the month. A month. I’m going to probably go insane. My family is full of hypocrites. They don’t believe in anything I do. They don’t believe in being bi, or trans, or more than two genders, or anything past L and G on the scale really. I’m staying with my cousin and her child who screams through out the night and day. She is only 8 months mind you but still I’m losing my mind. My depression is getting worst again. I was finally feeling better and then not even two days and I can’t handle it. My cousin is trying to play tour guide bringing me to places that I have no interest in and that I’ve been to before and very familiar with. I can’t get a moment to myself , to just think ya know, to just be happy. Even worst my anxiety is killing me unable to talk to anyone I am uncomfortable with. I walked into a shop today and I couldn’t ask a question. I’d open my mouth and there would be no words forming. I just want to get out. Get away from my family. Please. I can’t play babysitter, tourist, family punching bag. I am tired of it. I can’t answer questions to family members more than two words because of fear of what I would say. I miss my friends so much. They gave me confidence that I am now lacking. I have no one here my age, no friends to talk to. I am sad. Like being stuck in a black hole, falling and it never ending just getting worst. I am sorry about the rant but I had to talk to someone or multiple someone’s and rant. For my sanity. What do I do? I’m giving up and 28 days left.
Sorry and thanks