I am not a toothpick. Growing up it feels like I am a rock. Growing up I have always been bigger than my friends. Not as in fat I was actually quite skinny but they were always skinnier. That feeling has always and still their when your friend says “oh you should try this on” but you know it won’t fit and they know it won’t fit but they say it anyways. Every time I walk into forever 21 and knowing that even my best friend an extra small normally at a height of 5″0 and 100 pounds wears a medium. Where you at a height of 5″10 and seen as “curvy” could never fit in anything. Because you have a little bit of a “muffin top” and broad shoulders. Girls that are able to shop at forever 21 are little they are skinny and short. Dresses are like shirts for anyone over 5″6. But I digress. I have always been the biggest, Not the tallest, Just the biggest. I am not unhealthy, in basketball I could outrun anyone and I was an amazing at any position in soccer. But I am strong. I can keep up with the boys when moving furniture. While my best friend can’t carry a 40 pound bag so I do it for her. Shopping is terrifying experience for me because of my curves (fear of my own body). Pants are the worst because my waist is a 7 but my butt can range from a 8-10 so nothing fits ever and with my strange build shirts do not fall or fit the way I want them to. Where skinny friends can fit in anything and look cute, where somethings just fit me differently. They are jealous of my curvy figure and I am jealous their lack of such. They say want girls that are “thick”. That is rarely true. They don’t want a real girl they want a girl with a 3 inch waist who makes her butt look bigger through photoshop and the bathroom sink during a mirror selfie. For the whole “oh well if you just work out and eat right” i do believe me I spend an hour and a half working out almost everyday and I eat healthy. Where some of my friends can eat whatever and whenever and still stay a size zero. In it all I just want to cry. It’s just a lack of confidence I say to myself to reassure myself and make me keep trying . In the end I just have to be okay with it. I was not born to be a tooth pick. I am a rock.
Thanks for listening