Panic! Not only at the disco but everywhere

I have many story times of the amount of fear that goes through my mind everyday. As you know I am afraid of almost everything. This is because of my anxiety (at least that’s what I blame). It’s like I have this people phobia. Suprisingly one of the places I am able to hide this fear and be seen as confident is high school. I know go figure where most people fear the most I can hold my head up high…. most of the time. This does not include when I first walk in the front doors that seem to get bigger every time I walk through them. Where I walk through them quickly blaring my music and make a b line to the bathroom but after I sit in the handicap bathroom and hyper ventilate about what will happen when I walk down that first hallway.  When this panic rushes over me it’s like the feeling of being heald in a tight space, like there’s no air to breath. Everything is in slow motion like when you dive under water you just walk seeing everyone who is passing you and feeling as if you can read their minds feeling all of their hateful comments come at you each stabbing you more and more until teardrops start to rush down your face and you’re shaking like an earthquake but you just keep walking as if nothing is wrong. I have nothing to control this feeling, no happiness forcefeild that others seem to have where nothing bothers them. Maybe they have the same fears as I do and they are just a better actor then I am. But I will never know because I can’t read their minds I am just filling my head with made up words that I feel about myself when I see there eyes looking through me as if I was a  skeleton or only paper thin and there looks are a gust of wind about to push me over.

I have no other words

let’s make this a part 1 of a post .

Have a good day



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