battle to be perfect

Basically as most girls know it is impossible to be perfect. Looking in the mirror everyday there is always something wrong. In your head all you can thing of is things that you’d change about yourself. Body image is a big deal not only in the twenty first century but in every century know to man or in a lot of cases wo-man. Don’t get me wrong guys have a lack of self confidence as much as girls do but something about it is different. It’s not harder for either but I (as I have stated in many blog posts) am not a boy. Everyday I wake up with anxiety which is not uncommon because I am full of it 24/7. Luckily for me I don’t feel the need to wear make up because not only do I have no idea how to do it but I just do not care for the feeling of not showing my face. I am not putting down anyone who wears makeup believe me if I had any skill with it I would. I digress. Looking in the mirror is a constant struggle. From what I should wear to impress people , to the acne that covers my face, my hair that will always look like a lion that just went through a tornado, and my least favorite my weight. Now I am a big girl. I am not over weight but I feel like I am every time I see myself in motors, pictures, etc. I am actually a healthy weight for my large frame. But I have a strange body frame . My semi- large 5’10” height, broad shoulders, long   torso, medium legs, semi-hour glass figure, slight stomach, and no boobs or butt. Looking at me in my XL dad shirts you cannot tell that I would be the slightest bit over weight (that’s more of a self confidence issue with the shirts cause I don’t like people looking at my butt or lack there of).  People look at me like I am crazy when they find out that I am 160 ( more like 168 but it’s 160 on a good day). I do eat healthy and work out but I can’t fix it . This has created problems for me. At one point I stopped eating. Everyday telling myself that skinny girls don’t eat so much which then turned into barley eating at all and at one point even throwing up my food. But I got past that. That image problem yeah I still have it and I work on it everyday but trying not to care. When I give into my fears and anxiety of what the people around my could be saying I just put in my head phones and try to drown out their hateful words because they are my hateful words towards myself. Perfect girls aren’t real. You may think I am lying but everyone has something they hate about them selfs and those girls on the internet have just as many worries as you do.

Just some thoughts



One thought on “battle to be perfect

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